Wednesday, November 28, 2012
A Change of Plans - Abandoning NaNoWriMo
Sadly, this time, I have to give in to the muse. She realized something before I did.
I have been very open about being a survivor of abuse. I am often in awe that I made it out of my childhood alive, let alone sane. If not for my amazing mother and her constant support and love, I don't believe I would be here today. I was blessed with at least one good parent.
Because I am a survivor I struggle with certain triggers that can activate my PTSD. Therapy has helped me out tremendously and my anxiety attacks are few and far between. Weirdly, there are time periods during the year that are just harder for me to write about certain themes. November has been a rough month for me all my life. This November has been a lot better than previous ones, a sign of my progressive healing, so I decided to take on NaNoWriMo. My choice for a project was my novella in the PRETTY WHEN SHE DIES universe featuring Aimee the witch and Cass the dhamphir from PRETTY WHEN SHE KILLS.
I loaded up the cover artwork on my background, made a new project file for the novella, and did my background sheets for my characters. I was flying in the beginning of November then faltered. It grew more difficult to write and I found myself struggling just to open the project.
While writing last night, I finally realized why I'm having such a rough time. 1) This is November. A difficult month with an invisible trigger. 2) One of the characters in the story is in a relationship that mirrors an abusive relationship. Though the two characters in the relationship are a vampire and witch and the relationship is all about the vampire trying to keep the witch in servitude, the underlying themes are the same. I realized that I have been inadvertently triggering myself with my own writing.
So I'm setting aside PRETTY WHEN THEY COLLIDE until after the new year when I'm out of a difficult time period. I'm going to aim for a March 2013 release date for it. I want the story about Cass and Aimee to be the best it can be and right now I feel I'm letting them down.
I have written about abusive relationships before (Jenni from AS THE WORLD DIES was a battered wife, and Glynis is abused by Dracula in THE TALE OF THE VAMPIRE BRIDE), so I do think the combination of the themes of the story and the dark cloud of November has been my problem.
Therefore, I'm moving on to THE MIDNIGHT SPELL to wrap it up and get it to the editor in a timely manner for its February 2013 publication.
I'm a little bummed not to finish NaNoWriMo, but I have to take care of myself.
Posted by Rhiannon Frater