Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Anxious Thoughts, Tummy aches, and the Reality of Today

I woke up with a nervous stomach ache today, crawled out of bed, checked my phone messages and trudged downstairs to ponder eating a meal.  My stomach was not happy with me, so I put it off, got on my computer, and checked my emails.

I saw that my post was up on Angie Fox's blog and that fans were already snagging copies of the book.  I glanced at, read a short email from my Tor editor, and pondered why I wasn't bouncing off the walls.

It took me most of the day to realize why I wasn't jumping for joy or careening through the house like a manic whooping it up.

This is it.  It's all official now.  THE FIRST DAYS is on book shelves with a tiny Tor logo on its spine and at some point later this year I will receive my first royalty statement from Tor.  I'm in the big leagues now.

With that status comes responsibility, not only to myself, but to Tor.  I want this book to do well not just for me, but the publishing house that believes in me.

As more comments came in from fans today, I realized another reason why I've been strangely subdued.  I want my old school fans to be happy with this new version.  I really want them to love it.  I've had quite a few complain that they felt I didn't need to revise the books.  That they were perfect as is (which I know isn't true) and that they were afraid of the revisions.  When at last I began to have positive feedback from the fans, I felt my anxious mood began to dissipate.

This evening some friends took me to dinner and we had a very nice meal.  As we were discussing my journey (they have been there since day one), they reminded me of all the reasons why I love writing, self-publishing, going with Tor, my fans, and even reviews.

I love telling stories for my fans to enjoy.

Yes, now my book is on the shelf and I do want the book to sell well for Tor's sake.  Hell, I want it to sell well to garner attention so the producer with the option to make it into a TV show can sell it to a network.  But at the core of my soul, I write because I love sharing the stories in my head with the people who will enjoy it.  That was why I originally self-published and why I signed with Tor.

Once I regained my perspective, my anxiety lifted.

Tonight I'm at peace and smiling.  I'm happy.  I know that this amazing journey I am on is only just truly beginning and it has been fabulous so far.

1 comment:

  1. Well, as one of your "old school" fans who has all three original works, I am reserving judgement until I read the new version.

    I can't imagine it'd be worse than the original. Will it be different? Yeah, there were revisions. But different isn't necessarily worse, and often can be better.

    I am looking forward to it.


Thanks for commenting!