I woke up with a nervous stomach ache today, crawled out of bed, checked my phone messages and trudged downstairs to ponder eating a meal. My stomach was not happy with me, so I put it off, got on my computer, and checked my emails.
I saw that my post was up on Angie Fox's blog and that fans were already snagging copies of the book. I glanced at Amazon.com, read a short email from my Tor editor, and pondered why I wasn't bouncing off the walls.
It took me most of the day to realize why I wasn't jumping for joy or careening through the house like a manic whooping it up.
This is it. It's all official now. THE FIRST DAYS is on book shelves with a tiny Tor logo on its spine and at some point later this year I will receive my first royalty statement from Tor. I'm in the big leagues now.
With that status comes responsibility, not only to myself, but to Tor. I want this book to do well not just for me, but the publishing house that believes in me.
As more comments came in from fans today, I realized another reason why I've been strangely subdued. I want my old school fans to be happy with this new version. I really want them to love it. I've had quite a few complain that they felt I didn't need to revise the books. That they were perfect as is (which I know isn't true) and that they were afraid of the revisions. When at last I began to have positive feedback from the fans, I felt my anxious mood began to dissipate.
This evening some friends took me to dinner and we had a very nice meal. As we were discussing my journey (they have been there since day one), they reminded me of all the reasons why I love writing, self-publishing, going with Tor, my fans, and even reviews.
I love telling stories for my fans to enjoy.
Yes, now my book is on the shelf and I do want the book to sell well for Tor's sake. Hell, I want it to sell well to garner attention so the producer with the option to make it into a TV show can sell it to a network. But at the core of my soul, I write because I love sharing the stories in my head with the people who will enjoy it. That was why I originally self-published and why I signed with Tor.
Once I regained my perspective, my anxiety lifted.
Tonight I'm at peace and smiling. I'm happy. I know that this amazing journey I am on is only just truly beginning and it has been fabulous so far.
Well, as one of your "old school" fans who has all three original works, I am reserving judgement until I read the new version.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine it'd be worse than the original. Will it be different? Yeah, there were revisions. But different isn't necessarily worse, and often can be better.
I am looking forward to it.